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Changeling, Chapter 1

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Changeling, Chapter 1:

A changeling is described as being the offspring of fairy, troll, or elf left in the place of a human child. Sometimes the term is also used to describe the human that was taken.

Lexi is entering her senior year of high school. For the past 13 years she's been living with her adoptive parent, Warren, who's always been everything she needed. But when she tries to get a job, he flies off the handle and she isn't sure why.
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neomerlin's avatar
The story isn't too badly written but it doesn't really hook me. This isn't my kind of thing, though, so I won't comment on how it compares to similar stories.

A couple of things you should watch out for, though, that will lift the quality of writing is:
Repetition. Reusing terms like "furrowed his brow" is noticeable for the reader and it starts to sound lazy and uncreative if it happens too often. People's brow do more than furrow. You also stressed about three of four times just how good looking the cinema staff are. I read through it thinking "Yeah, I got it. You've made it clear."

Also: "A cough behind her drew her to her senses…sort of" I don't think this kind of phrase should ever be written into a book. It looks and sounds horrible to read. The other problem with it is it ends flat and dead - like dropping a weight. Try and be more definite. "An unexpected cough from behind her drew her suddenly to her senses". Now it sounds like it grabbed her attention and was a surprise.

The style is by no means bad, it just needs a little extra polish and I'm sure you'll manage. Keep it up!